Liar

I’ve been listening for a while with many doubts trying to convince myself that I am mistaken… Unfortunately, all actions have easily proven… the opposite… I question myself every day and night, wishing to find the truth… the truth which I don’t really want to know… the truth which I am afraid to face… the truth which has the power of awakening me… I challenge every word I hear… and I wonder how many lies I have heard till now… Lying is the habit some people can’t live without… it’s the air they breathe and the blood that circulates in their veins… I don’t want to listen as I don’t believe you anymore… and I can’t trust you any longer… Even when you don’t lie, I don’t believe you… Congratulations, you won… my despisal! Liar.
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you", Friedrich Nietzsche.

Mena Mostafa

Sleepless

I feel astonished in front of many of the things and situations I face these days… Yesterday was one of those days with its many weird unrealistic incapable of being understood events… and… people… Many thoughts… lots of analysis… and still nothing reached… Worries and anxieties were accompanied by the agony of my conscience… My mind is terribly exhausted… Some of the things in life are really beyond my level of understanding… It is either that I am too stupid to realize the meaning of what I face… or that life is too complex to be comprehended by a person like me… I started worrying about why and how things happen to me specially in such timing –please don’t misinterpret what I mean here-… Yesterday was a horrible day for me followed by a “suitable” awful night… this was too much for one day… and… I was Sleepless.

Mena Mostafa

I Know

Knowledge doesn’t kill us… it just causes us more pain and makes us suffer more than those who don’t know… Every day, we learn new things… some of them we like and some of them can make us hate ourselves just because they came across our ways… I noticed something weird during the last couple of months… my life was sort of a steady state one… of course it had its share of troubles, but we can say they were of the “normal” type troubles and problems… then after some coincidences… actually many of them… and it is truly odd that all this was by “coincidence”… I learned a lot of things… which made me look to the world from a very different perspective… a perspective I don’t like… The bad thing is that I can’t go back… I am also not sure whether I should be happy or not for becoming less ignorant… Now, I just know… yes, I Know… and I still have to know more… to suffer more and to hate myself more and more!

Mena Mostafa

Scars

Some people lived for many years, and still they are not mature enough to understand and judge situations as they should and they do not act wisely… others lived much less, but they have the wisdom of senates… Real age is not measured by the number of years we live… it is measured by the number of hard situations we face… the actions we take… and the Scars carved on our memories and lives by the hard times… The traces of these wounds reflect our real age and experience… these traces are our life… they are the real “us”… Unfortunately the process of “real” learning is very expensive, specially when it comes to the science of life… it takes courage… because its lessons are always hard to understand… and the traces they leave on our personalities are deep enough to remain forever.
"Our Scars have the power to remind us that our past was real", Hannibal Lecter, "Red Dragon".

Mena Mostafa

Pottery

“Like Pottery we are… God puts us in situations to form our traits, then puts us in the oven to harden our personalities”… a friend of mine surprised me with these wise words while discussing life issues, problems and people… We are the projection of our sufferings, mistakes and experiences … Happiness and joy have a very limited role in our lives… they only show on some remarkable moments, then disappear as fast as they showed… This is why our behavior is most of the times controlled by our fears… and some little times by our hopes… This doesn’t mean that life is awful… on the contrary, it means that we should learn and benefit from our past and not let ruin our future… No matter how much pains we’ve been through before, we have the power to avoid them in the future… Like Pottery, we are strengthened by fire… so we should never let it break us down.

Mena Mostafa

Today

Usually I don’t care about days or dates any more… but I found that Today’s name is a very remarkable one… it’s the 8th day of the 8th month of the 8th year after the 2000 years from which people started giving high importance to their history and keeping track of their days by giving them names and counting them… in addition, my blogging habit started near this day a year ago… As all days… it is a very normal one… it was born some hours ago and will soon die after some other hours… yes, it is really short, just as our lives… Again it is just Today’s name that is giving it the value to be written about… Many many days ago… when I was a kid… I hoped to be the thing I am now… and I strived to achieve this… and thanks God I am here now… When we imagine things and plan for them, we usually plan for how we will become… but we don’t think about how the people or things surrounding us will be at that moment… Today… I can still imagine my future and plan for it… but I can’t see any more where I will be… I try to imagine the surroundings… because they are the real future life that should be planned for.

Mena Mostafa

A Mistake

“It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others”, unknown author

“I can’t save you… and you can’t save me”… these words couldn’t pass my lips… although they were circling in my mind continuously these days… It’s getting tougher every day… and much harder… Chaos is everywhere… Things are out of control… They have just passed the limits… and the problem is that they are still continuing… and growing… till the day of the non-stop… the day when it will all blow…and at that moment, nobody will be rescued… it will be a complete failure… Stupidity after another… an accumulative series of mistakes and problems… and all of this was because of… A Mistake… only one mistake!

"Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it immediately", Stephen R. Covey

Mena Mostafa