Language

Every day we chat and talk with each other in different topics varying between daily situations we face… problems we have… cases we believe in or fight for… criticizing people… worshipping the past… looking for and fearing from the future… cursing some circumstances… wondering about how better we can make our lives… And when we talk… we use many languages other than English, Arabic… French or so… we talk personal… emotional… technical… professional… We might understand each other and we might not… Sometimes, others might perceive what you say as incomprehensive symbols or might not taste the color of your feelings or understand the meaning of your words… but we keep communicating… just to be together as we share places and moments… and we have to talk… Most of the times, I feel I talk a foreign language that the world can’t understand and that I can’t also understand what the world around me is saying… The language I miss the most is the language I still couldn’t find someone who can understand and share with me… the language I only to talk to myself with… It’s the language of life… my life Language.

Mena Mostafa

Circular Squares

You may find it stupid to ask yourself or others how does a circular square look like? But in today’s world with all the contradictions we have around… and with all the situations we face daily … I find it kind of normal to wonder about such a subject… specially that it became very hard to differentiate between the white and the black… the truth and the lie… and of course between a shape and another… In some situations we can’t even differentiate between the live and the dead… light and darkness… And sometimes, when we meet people, we are not sure whether they are actual people or if they are shadows of them or maybe they are pillars as real people don’t exist anymore! Everything became so messy so that you no longer know your identity… your belonging and whether you are where you think you are or somewhere else!
Again, the question remains unanswered… how does a circular square look like? Can it be some kind of a triangular parallelogram for instance?! Or is it just like other Circular Squares?!

Mena Mostafa

Lesson

It’s after big events and major changes in your life that you start thinking or maybe focusing on points that you’ve never had in mind… or maybe that were somewhere there waiting for the time to reveal themselves… At such moments, you start thinking about the purpose of your life and the things that you’ve learned… and lately…
I learned that no one can help you except yourself…
I learned that you can talk but others are not obligated to listen…
I learned that happiness doesn’t exist but you can be self satisfied or content if you want to…
I learned that there is always light somewhere… and that you should seek it…
I learned that fearing from the past and worrying about the future is silly because things change and you change…
I learned that you should experience pain to appreciate tenderness…
I learned that not everything you want is good for you…
I learned that you might be unique but many other people think and feel the same as you do…
I learned that friends are a real gift from God…
I learned that even if you think you are alone, you are not…
I learned that you are there to help someone, and that someone exists somewhere to help you… and that you are there because someone needs you…
I learned that patience is a valuable virtue that many people don’t have…
I learned that every single thing that happens to you has a purpose that you’ll understand at the designated time…
I learned that till you die, there is a place for you on earth…
And the biggest Lesson of all is that we live to die, so we should make sure we’ll die decently.

Mena Mostafa

2nd Level

It’s like watching a movie in the cinema… or standing in the balcony of the second or third floor… You’re in the place… you can partially share and interact… but you are not really part of what’s going on… you know that sooner or later the movie will end or that you’ll leave the balcony and go to somewhere else. I keep having this feeling since a while ago... I watch as if I am not there or not part of what’s going on around me… always thinking about the time things will end and that I’ll be moving to somewhere else soon… The only problem is that I don’t know when I’ll be leaving or for how long and how I’ll be able to bear this feeling… It’s like existing in another level of life… the 2nd Level… where you watch… think… judge… remember… fear… dream… despise… pity… and wish this comes to an end… but where you cannot live.

Mena Mostafa

Catalyst

By definition, it’s “a substance that speeds up a chemical reaction, but is not consumed by the reaction; hence it can be recovered unchanged at the end of the reaction it has been used to speed up, or catalyze”. I keep feeling like a substance that speeds up “live” reactions while not consumed by them… but I don’t remain unchanged… every time I catalyze something, I feel that I lose a part of myself while becoming… stronger… I lose the soft part of myself and I start to speed up other reactions for other people… and after too many reactions… I became consumed and I started to realize the real meaning of being a Catalyst… it is not being or becoming something yourself or for yourself… it is being there for a purpose that most probably you won’t be able to recognize or understand before some time… all you can know is that you should be there at the specified moment to speed up some “reaction”… we don’t choose to be this substance… rather… we’re chosen to be.

Mena Mostafa

Human

Ever since people invented computers, they try to create exact copies of themselves and to implant them in their brains… They try to simulate the way people think, behave and feel to give these machines a human touch… While doing so, people completely ignored the digital nature of these machines and their right to remain with their identity which differentiates them from “people”… Now… and after I understood this fact… I found myself trying to simulate what is going in his digital life in order to survive… I tried everything… I troubleshot my problem…reviewed my logs… searched on the internet for a solution… downloaded experience packs… stood up for a while… and finally I gave up and restarted … I hope this will be of help… otherwise, the only solution will be a complete aggressive formatting… I really envy him… we grew up together… he remained Robot and I became Human! And I really find it very hard to be a human.

Mena Mostafa

Common Ground

I am not sure whether I face this problem alone or if there were others who think the same way too… I find it very hard to understand myself… One day she wants something that I don’t agree on and the other day she just lets it go… One day she’s very upset with things I find very normal and the other day she forgets about them… Most of the times she abandons ideas after convincing me with them… and most of the times, we don’t reach an agreement till after a conflict ending with a big fight… We didn’t mature together, and we became very different… but the only common point between us is that we both try to solve our problems as soon as they emerge… we try to be friends though we’re not compatible at all… I am sure that one day we’ll be able to understand each other and this is why I think she is still bearing me till this moment… She’s waiting to reach the Common Ground with me.

Mena Mostafa