River of Madness

It’s full of water… plenty of it… and it’s available for all… and of course they all drink it… and they are all happy… except me… I see things they can’t see… and I still feel what they can’t feel … they don’t understand me… or they do understand but they can’t help me… they got used to it… they got used to this stupid of feeling of not feeling anything… of negativity… of letting things go… of accepting what I can’t live with… I feel like a crazy person… or maybe I am crazy… I can’t bear what they see normal… and I can’t live this life any more… I’ve had enough… I ask myself whether they are conscious or not… why am I so different… why can’t I admit the truth… why can’t I adapt to it… I am not sure whether I am forced to do so or not… All that I can say is that… I can’t drink from this water… I’d rather die thirsty than drinking from this River of Madness.

Mena Mostafa

Stranger

I don’t know what to call this state… I am here… but I feel as if I don’t exist… I hear people… but I don’t understand them… I touch things… but I don’t feel them… I eat food… but I don’t taste it… I can’t stay awake… and I don’t sleep… I am home and I feel that I want to go home… People talk to me… and I don’t know what they want to say… I can’t be like others and I can’t make them understand me… I can’t adapt to their way of living… and I can’t leave them… I am somehow bound to this place although I don’t belong to it… I believe in things others ignore… I perceive things other can’t see… I value habits others despise… I can’t see the exit sign… and I can’t stay either… I am looping in my mind… living in my dreams… running from my life… and… trying to convince myself that I am a Stranger in this world… maybe this is how I can survive!

Mena Mostafa

Metamorphose

Changes are not easy to accept specially when they come at late stages of age… they are also very hard to think about when they don’t complement what you have lived for… instead they tear down everything you thought was beautiful… they contradict your beliefs and destroy your values… they make you become someone else… someone you never even imagined you can or will be… but you have to… and you have to throw away everything that opposes these new ideas… and to enforce yourself to be this new thing you hate… the thing you fought a lot to avoid… or maybe to delay… because it looks now that it was unavoidable… It’s time for my Metamorphose… I have to… and I hate to.
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it", Mary Engelbreit.

Mena Mostafa

Mountain

Many many years ago… I was standing at its bottom… looking at its top… dreaming to attain it… and thinking about means to help me fulfilling my dream. I walked a lot… took tours around it… planned for every step I’ll take to be there… and started my trip… I started to climb… and it wasn’t easy… too many rocks I had to move… too many turns I had to take… obstacles everywhere… but… I was really determined to reach it… determined and hard headed… nothing could have stopped me… Many times, I was subject to fall… but my insistence was stronger… I could always find ways to keep going up… I didn’t stop to rest or to take my breath… There were no milestones for me… but one… only one… the top… the top which when I approached, I discovered that I was climbing the wrong Mountain… and now… I look back to the bottom… and I only have one feeling… I want to throw myself. I don’t know which is worse… to stay at the bottom… or to fall from the top!

Mena Mostafa

3D World

“Once upon a time, little Circloz was living in her world with her companions of squares and triangles… One day she saw another circle growing and shrinking… she went to talk to it to find out how it was possible to change size that easily… For her surprise, the other circle told her that it was a sphere living in a 3D World… and that she too was a sphere living in a 3D World, but moving on a straight line without recognizing her power and capabilities… Circloz returned back to her companions very happy with what she learned… and she tried to enlighten them… to explain the reality to them… and to convince them that they were cubes and pyramids… but no one believed Circloz… Circloz had only one option… she left everything behind her back and moved to the 3D World”… A story narrated by a very wise friend of mine… I am not sure whether the world is 3D or it is me who is suffocating in a virtual 2D world without a reason.

Mena Mostafa

Visit

I was waiting for this week end since last week… I was really exhausted and in brutal need for some rest… though, they woke me up very early… we had to pay someone a Visit… a sudden Visit… The wind was blowing our veils… but it was nice and delicate… silence was dominating… only some tears… fears and little or no words… We always get ready for happy moments… and we waste a lot of time preparing for them and gathering people to share with us… as for today there were many people… only invited this morning… there was no time to get ready… but we were all there… We all know that this Visit is un-avoidable for each and every one of us… but we rarely prepare for it… and most of the times it surprises us… I am wondering how such a day will be for me…

Mena Mostafa

Nightmare

I was driving my car… looping in the road… taking u-turns to re-walk in the same streets… this was common for me… I am used to do so almost every day… either with my car or on my legs… But these days, it is pretty different… the streets are no more the same… I was feeling that cars passing near me were from another world… or maybe it was me… am not sure… their lights seemed to be blurring… I couldn’t differentiate between them… I couldn’t hear any of the street’s sounds… I felt I was flying although I was sure my feet were on the ground… I was staring at them… I wanted to open my window to touch them… but I felt they were very far away… every time I look at any of them it just continues its way as if it didn’t notice my presence… it looked they were racing each other to get away from me… my eyes were fixed on the speed meter for a while… but I couldn’t understand… All I know is that it’s a Nightmare… and I know it’ll end soon.

Mena Mostafa