At This Age

Years ago… when we were very very young… almost able to pronounce some words… and feel proud about this great achievement though we wrongly pronounced most of the words… We used to ask questions to uncover the mysteries surrounding us and to explore a whole new world imagining that our discoveries were great steps in the advancement of humanity… Grownups used to laugh at these discoveries and to watch our persistent trials to reach the answers of our innocent questions… Some years later… when we grew up… our questions grew up and matured with us… they became of real value to the world… during this time… our inquiries were like burdens on our shoulders… we’re responsible now... Some years later… we’ll keep asking, but our questions will be out of insecure lonely and worried feelings and fear… our questions will be kind of frustrating and boring for the young grownups… They won’t laugh at these questions… they won’t help us to correctly pronounce or remember the words we’ll forget… Do you have someone to bear answering your repeated boring and frustrating questions At This Age?

Mena Mostafa

Colors

Azure clear sky… red vivid roses … green high trees… blue calm seas… yellow soft sand… tender wind… white nice people… shiny clean streets… light, laughs and love everywhere… I have wings carrying me to all places… there is a pure smile on my face… I have no problems… I am not just content, I am happy too… I know my way… I love tomorrow… and cherish today… I can sleep with no fear… not worrying about the future… Basic, primitive and simple life… with no complications, barriers, anxieties, burdens… A life where you don’t want to close your eyes in order not to miss a moment of beauty… An encouraging life to think and to be creative in… a life that makes you feel like a human… A life that can be “lived” and that can be called “life”… A life with Colors other than the black… There is no harm in dreaming except waking up and living the next “colorless” day(s)!

Mena Mostafa

Death of a Fighter

Heroes may exist, but not on the ground of “reality”… Values… meanings of right and wrong vary and greatly differ depending on the side from which they are watched from, the time and the situation… I’ve been trying to convince myself to look at things just as others do… and I always used to see something different… and I was never happy with what I saw… I then tried to convince myself to be like others… and I failed… I tried to cope and to accept what they see “normal” and I also failed… and from failure to the other, I became ill, then got used to it… and while trying to find the root cause of my disease, I found myself lost… all the way in disagreement with my other selves…For quite some time now, I’ve been fighting with one of my selves… and it finally and gracefully passed away to leave the space for another less trouble making self… may it rest in peace and never come back… The Fighter is Dead.

Mena Mostafa

A Rook

“Life is a Game”, this is how the conversation started… “Try to look at things as if you were in a Game and make beating the enemy your sole target”… For quite sometime he tried to convince me with the idea… I have to fight for triumph… I have to be smart to win… and above all… I have to change my strategy… my way of looking at things… and again, I find myself stuck in the same corner… unable to make the right move and incapable of thinking about it… It is not easy for A Rook to act like the Queen and to move flexibly in all direction bypassing all rules and conquering all enemies… Each of us is a chess character moving according to his pre-defined role which is based on his values, experience and willingness to interact with other pieces… Black and white are the only colors of the Squares… and it is up to you to decide on which square you should exist and which square you should be heading by your next move… A wrong move at any time can cost you a lot… maybe your life and maybe the life of others… You have to plan your moves, sacrifice some pawns for a greater cause and you must learn how to maneuver and how to jump to succeed… Unfortunately, jumping and moving in diagonals are still not in my dictionary! And my only way out is… out of The Board.

Mena Mostafa

The Glasses

Whenever and wherever I look, I see things in a dark color… I am not sure why I can’t see the light although I am sure it exists… this is not a figure of speech as much as it is a physical fact… I discovered that most of the times my eyes are always looking to the floor… and by chance when I raise my head, I see some traces of the light… but only in the form of shadows… Life there might be somehow beautiful… but unfortunately, the last time I saw it this way was many years ago… Life is always what we see… it is the reflection of our thoughts and feelings… which means that I am a very gloomy person… because the way we perceive life is the way we see ourselves… The question is… do we only see through our eyes? If the answer is yes… how can I get rid of these dark glasses? And if the answer is no… what is the type of glasses that I should wear to see the beauty of life? My question remains unanswered and my quest for The Glasses continues!

Mena Mostafa

Open the Door

In that endless state of mind I keep looping… it’s been more than 3 years now and still the same… imprisoned in my own mind… trying to escape to another unknown island… Isolated from the outside world… I keep running from myself to face it again… we have to finish this together as we started it together… I have to help myself to get out… the choice is mine… but I either don’t have enough courage… or I am afraid… How coward I am! I am not sure whether the time came or not… but I have a very strange feeling… it’s approaching… I don’t know what it is this time… but it is almost here… Some days ago a friend of mine advised me to Open the Door… “look inside yourself, free your mind and Open the Door”… I still feel lost and I don’t know how to make use of his words… but it seems that this is my last way out…
I have to Open the Door… though I still don’t know to where it will lead me… but I have to free myself… “…Open the Door”… there might be light somewhere!

Mena Mostafa

Hope

For a while I consider as very long… I have not been able to write… I just feel and think… and believe I am the same… looking at things the same way and always thinking the same… till I lost my appétit to write… which in my opinion is a very bad indicator of boredom and in-adaptation… I can’t change things around me and I myself don’t change… I still suffer... think and suffer more and more… The weird thing is that I am still alive… I don’t know how or why… because sometimes I consider that my life in this world came to an end some time ago… I eat and sleep… and I am living but only in my physical form… not my mental one… I feel I am a dead mind in a live body… I am a partial human… I wonder why I am still there… what keeps me alive… I really don’t know why or how… but I am still there… whether I admit this or not… I want it or not… I exist… for an unknown reason I exist… some people call it… Hope!!

Mena Mostafa