Master Server

In the world of digitals, servers are the most important citizens, they are looked at as the governors of the universe… they are always maintained, backed up, upgraded and fed with data and power… On the contrary, in the world of humans… servers are the most despised, very maltreated, easily replaced and forgotten citizens… Human servers can’t be masters and masters can’t live without these servers, they fully depend on them… though they don’t respect them and they deprive them from their rights… Human servers are oppressed and always feel insecure… they know their importance though they can’t do anything to get their rights… rebelling can’t help them because they are servers… A digital server is a highly weighted and worshiped server… It is a Master Server… A digital server is much more important than a human one! How can we live with such contradictions and unfairness?!

Mena Mostafa

Pyramid

It took years and years to build the Pyramids… it took the effort of many people and robbed the lives of many others… Workers who participated in this great state of the art eternal structure may have not been aware of what it will be in the future, they gave their lives to it or maybe they were forced to… Anyways, we don’t know any of them now, we just know what they did… I keep asking myself about those who died without seeing the end result of their efforts… Did they succeed? Did they fail? Should they have done what they have done? Who gets the credit for this effort? Who remembers any of them? Many people in our contemporary life strive to do good things… they don’t chase fame… they just seek their right of seeing, feeling and enjoying the outcome of their efforts… Contemplating the Pyramids they gave their lives for… I keep putting a brick over another… years have passed… I am not sure whether I am working on the right pyramid or not… and I am not sure I will live to see the results of my work… Though… I keep carrying bricks… hoping one day there will be a Pyramid!

Mena Mostafa

The Real Friend

There was a time when I thought I had friends… real friends… and now, I feel very lonely again… with no one around but sad feelings and lost thoughts about a life I “still” can’t live… and I “still” imagine I can have… I struggle every day thinking that the people I am striving to keep happy appreciate this… actually, no body appreciates anything… and the people we meet today are meant to leave tomorrow… it’s not only a matter of trust, it’s much more than this… I look at people’s eyes in a very strange way nowadays… and I try to send them messages saying that we’re not meant to know each other for more than a specified period of time… I can’t imagine where I’ll be in the next couple of years, I can’t even visualize my tomorrow… all what I know is that people I meet today won’t be here tomorrow… I keep looking around for unknown persons thinking they will be different while knowing they won’t! I started believing that my sole friend… The Real Friend should be me!

Mena Mostafa

Deception

People… people… people… and me…I keep meeting strange people that I trust and love… and then get betrayed… Too much confidence in people who don’t deserve it… I can’t trust people any more… I am shocked… and astonished how some people may deceive others this way… every time I believe someone or in someone… I suddenly discover that I believed a very big lie… and that this person is not different than any other “deceiver”… I can’t even trust myself now… I keep receiving a shock after the other and I still can’t learn nor understand people and their real motives and intentions… I really don’t and can’t understand… and again I feel stupid and not qualified to be entitled as a human living among others… Will I ever be able to understand and to stop believing wrong people?! Or will I always live in the Deception area?

“We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves”!! Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Mena Mostafa

Satisfied

“If I can only have this or that”… “I’ll own the world if I can have it”… Most of the times we look at the things we don’t have thinking that it will be everything in the world if we have them… and at the same time, we forget about the things we already have and we despise their value… we ignore their real value and we always pursue our dreams or unattainable things… we’re never Satisfied although if we had a life other than ours we won’t really be happy… I felt broken when I thought about the things I don’t have and at the same time, I didn’t want to sacrifice any of the things I have in exchange… weird, I hated myself most when I reached this way in thinking… One can never be Satisfied even if he really owns the world! We always need… want… and chase… we don’t stop to think till we die… and at this moment, only at this moment, we see the results of the choices and sacrifices we made to get these things. By the way, after a very long and deep thinking, I am Satisfied now… though I still feel some bitterness! May God forgive me for this.

Mena Mostafa

Too Weak to Be True

I've been weaker before… there were moments when I thought I am about to fall and to break down and never come back in one piece… though thanks to God I passed these very hard moments… but this time, it is different, I feel weak and… weak… yah, kind of double weakness, I don’t understand what I feel and I don’t know how to express this feeling in words… I feel that time is repeating itself… and with every repetition there are new faces… events are the same… though I still can’t digest the truth and I can’t live with it… I got used to what happens to me and though I can’t adapt… every time I find myself more and more lost and not able to understand and to cope… and finally and as usual… the only and the easiest solution is to run… run to the nowhere to find a lost self at the end… I am… Too Weak to Be True!

“It's ironic that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and the one that makes you strong is actually your weakness”, unknown author.

Mena Mostafa

Who, What & When?!

“Who are you?”… “What do you like?”… “What do you want?”… the program host asked these three questions… I was part of the audience… I can’t remember hearing anything after these questions… I just kept thinking and thinking… It’s been almost a week now and I still can’t find the answer… any answer… I keep digging profounder and diving deeper… and still can’t get or find anything… As much as these questions might look simple and maybe stupid… and as many people can think of them as very straightforward ones and can answer them without effort… I find myself helpless… speechless and lost… I really don’t know the answer… All I can do now is adding a fourth question to the list… “When will I be able to answer?”!

"All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why." James Thurber

Mena Mostafa