It

It’s ironic to wake up every day, assuming you were mainly asleep and not pretending to be, to find yourself thinking about the same thing and feeling the same way… I can’t stop thinking even while “asleep”… I always stare, watch, analyze, think, deduce and restart this endless loop of not being there while being somewhere with “them”… My fears remain the same… I only think about one thing… and I can’t free my mind of It… and as much as I know and am sure of its inevitability… I am terrified… although I want It very much and I think about It a lot… I am afraid… yes… I am… I can’t talk a lot about It… no one understands what I say or want to say nor how I feel… I even started feeling alone inside myself… the idea is hunting me… I know I am waiting… but for sure I don’t know till when… and I continue sleeping in the night to wake up in the morning to either find myself again or find It.

Mena Mostafa