Pieces of Me

“Yes”… “No”, “Right”… “Wrong”. Words, just words… Meanings are missing… are lost. Directions are meaningless. I wanted the white… and I chose the black. I worship home… and I stay away. My body is here… and my soul is there. Driven by my interest, obligated by my will, imprisoned by my choice… tortured by my heart… I can’t escape.

Paths, choices, decisions, consequences. I know what I like… I do what I detest. I sleep with a wakeful mind and open eyes. I am torn apart between my choices and my will. I suffer of choosing and doing the “right” and I can’t do otherwise. If I were to judge my choices, I would condemn them… of being right. I am broken… dispersed. I am… Pieces of Me.

Mena Mostafa

What Time Is It?

Day and night… black and white… Time passes, everything just… changes… places, colors, scents, you… and me… Second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour… and change after change… The difference… I can see, I can feel… though I don’t understand.

Time sculpts changes over us. We grow, distances grow, gaps grow and… time advances. Impossible to roll back… to go back… useless to look back.

Timeless… can’t find my way in time… lost in time… If I break the watch, will I get out, understand or keep wondering… “What time is it?”

Mena Mostafa

The Mask

Ever laughed while crying? Ever lived while dying? Ever been lonely while others around? Ever felt the slowness of the time passing rapidly?

Is the surface shielding the depth or is it hiding it? When I look in the mirror, I don’t see myself, is it my real self or The Mask covering it? My self is always hiding behind its outer mask. I can’t see it… and I can’t remove The Mask. I want to reach deep inside… I want to talk to it… to understand. I am someone else, someone I don’t know, someone I don’t like … I miss myself, the self I can’t find… the self I need. I hate the face you see… I hate The Mask you talk to… I want you to talk to me, the real me. Can you hear me… or The Mask is also hiding my voice, my real voice. I want to tear The Mask… I want to be my real self.

Mena Mostafa

The Hands...

Walking slowly in the twilight, city lights like small far away candles of hope… Still have to go all the way down the mountain… the mountain of thoughts… the unclear struggling thoughts. A shadow of hands, your open hands of help and support. I can’t see your face, I can’t seize your hands, but I know you are here for me. I am following the direction of The Hands. Lights approach, shadows start becoming clearer… Still following, but not yet there. It takes time to get down… to pass over the waves of painful thoughts and feelings. But I will keep following you.
Thank you for your presence, thank you for your care. “You gave me faith ‘coz you believed”.

Mena Mostafa

In The Box…

It is dark, very dark, I can’t see, but still I can touch. It is cold, so cold, seems it is a wall, yes it is. A high wall, I can’t reach the top with my hands, still touching, still feeling the coldness, another wall… other walls. Surrounded by walls, high walls from all sides. Locked up, locked up… in a box… In The Box.

I close my eyes, still dark, still can’t see. Wait… I can hear… voices, far away voices. Approaching… “You are not alone”. Sparks of light… dust… walls are dusty. “Polish, remove the dust”. It isn’t really dark, it is the dust over… the glass walls… I can see throughout the glass, I can see my life throughout the walls, the past is behind, it is clear, the future is somewhere there, it is approaching… very fast, but still distant… and… no details … I need to have a clear sight… “Smash the glass, break the walls”…”Get me out of the box”

Mena Mostafa

Show Me The Way…

Not in the dark, but not in the light… I feel lost, but I know where I stand. What does “lost” mean? Is it not knowing where we are, where we were or where we will be? Don’t know, I just feel it. I can see something in the future, but it is not clear. I lack the courage of waiting with patience. Never felt so weak, never been so scared. I want to run to the nowhere just to run, to hide or maybe to stop feeling, to stop thinking, to stop running and to stop hiding. I need to change the path, I have to change the route, I really need someone to tell me why, to show me how, I need someone to show me the way, the way to the unknown, the way to the other side of the world... Yes, I need you to "Show me the way to the tunnel that leads to the other side of the world"

Mena Mostafa

Why The Planet Inside?

Many of us try to explore the universe and know more about the surrounding world. While a minority tries to explore their internal worlds. Each and every one of us has some unknown sides inside himself, his inner world, his Planet Inside. The Planet Inside is as huge as the universe around us. At some point in time we think that we should start exploring our Planet Inside. This blog is a self exploration to help myself understand its Planet Inside and is an exposure of myself to the outside world. I hope I can find the link between both universes by listening to the voice of my words and your words, I wish we can hear each other.

Mena Mostafa