Destinations

I know I am heading somewhere… but I am not yet sure where exactly this path will lead me to… and I wonder why others are heading the opposite direction… but I keep walking hoping I am right… I sometimes, like now, feel lost… I know where I am but I don’t know where I will be in the next minute… with the next turn in the path… I look back and I see them vanishing away as the distance between us gets further… I can’t imagine what I will see in the next road… but I keep going… I am not afraid because I know I have to go on… but I am always wondering if this is the right path… I am alone in this life walk… although I can see some people walking beside me… but I can’t distinguish their faces or their qualities… they are a bit far away… but they are walking in the same direction… some of them decided to go back as they couldn’t continue in this road… some of them fell down in the middle… and few of them are continuing with me… but we never meet… We are targeting different Destinations and there is nowhere to go!

Mena Mostafa

Vicious Cycles

It’s like looping in the same track every while and then… People might change, but events remain the same… reactions are the same… and how these different people think and behave is always the same… It’s like being in an endless dream… in which you think you’ll wake up one day to discover that you were living in a nightmare… But… this day never comes… you never wake up… and you always find yourself forced to go on the same track… not allowed to fight back… and can’t change what you see nor what you suffer from… You wake up every day to find yourself inside the same nightmare… and you resume looping while knowing what will come next… they became very predictable… everything is exactly the same and sometimes you might be surprised by repeated occurrences!! You are the only difference… not because you have the sense to discover this truth, but just because they are unconscious… I am trying to find the exit point… but in these Vicious Cycles my life goes on… It’s mad and it hurts.

Mena Mostafa

Music Note

I’m not exactly sure what’s wrong… but for sure something is… It’s like listening to a nice piece of music or a symphony while your ears are hurt by a constant dissonant note… but it’s not only my ears that suffer… it’s my heart and my mind too… my whole self is suffering from the various inharmonious notes that surround me… I try to comfort myself by thinking that it’s being played with the wrong instrument as it doesn’t seem logical that all other pieces can be that terrible… but I am not convinced with the idea… It’s no more the peaceful harmonious Music Note it used to be… and it can no longer flow with the other notes or coexist with them… it really can’t… it’s dissonant and companionless… but always their sounds will remain heard in its background as it will never get rid of them or help them play them the correct way.

Mena Mostafa

The Whiteboard

Many many pens wrote on it… and most of what was written was easily and rapidly erased… but it had the chance to absorb the ink of most of the markers… It isn’t new nor clean as it was many years ago… and it’s not bright any more… It might not encourage new pens to write on it… but definitely it became like an old book… with no pages… and no words… but full with the traces of different colors and inks of the diverse pens and markers… Currently, there are no apparent writings on it… only some marks recording what it went through during its life time… When you look at it… you can read nothing… though it has it all inside… It feels as if it has forgotten everything that passed on it and that it went through… but I am sure that some things are still there… and that it is still The Whiteboard I used to know… but unfortunately it thinks that it is no more white and is no more a board!

Mena Mostafa

Language

Every day we chat and talk with each other in different topics varying between daily situations we face… problems we have… cases we believe in or fight for… criticizing people… worshipping the past… looking for and fearing from the future… cursing some circumstances… wondering about how better we can make our lives… And when we talk… we use many languages other than English, Arabic… French or so… we talk personal… emotional… technical… professional… We might understand each other and we might not… Sometimes, others might perceive what you say as incomprehensive symbols or might not taste the color of your feelings or understand the meaning of your words… but we keep communicating… just to be together as we share places and moments… and we have to talk… Most of the times, I feel I talk a foreign language that the world can’t understand and that I can’t also understand what the world around me is saying… The language I miss the most is the language I still couldn’t find someone who can understand and share with me… the language I only to talk to myself with… It’s the language of life… my life Language.

Mena Mostafa

Circular Squares

You may find it stupid to ask yourself or others how does a circular square look like? But in today’s world with all the contradictions we have around… and with all the situations we face daily … I find it kind of normal to wonder about such a subject… specially that it became very hard to differentiate between the white and the black… the truth and the lie… and of course between a shape and another… In some situations we can’t even differentiate between the live and the dead… light and darkness… And sometimes, when we meet people, we are not sure whether they are actual people or if they are shadows of them or maybe they are pillars as real people don’t exist anymore! Everything became so messy so that you no longer know your identity… your belonging and whether you are where you think you are or somewhere else!
Again, the question remains unanswered… how does a circular square look like? Can it be some kind of a triangular parallelogram for instance?! Or is it just like other Circular Squares?!

Mena Mostafa

Lesson

It’s after big events and major changes in your life that you start thinking or maybe focusing on points that you’ve never had in mind… or maybe that were somewhere there waiting for the time to reveal themselves… At such moments, you start thinking about the purpose of your life and the things that you’ve learned… and lately…
I learned that no one can help you except yourself…
I learned that you can talk but others are not obligated to listen…
I learned that happiness doesn’t exist but you can be self satisfied or content if you want to…
I learned that there is always light somewhere… and that you should seek it…
I learned that fearing from the past and worrying about the future is silly because things change and you change…
I learned that you should experience pain to appreciate tenderness…
I learned that not everything you want is good for you…
I learned that you might be unique but many other people think and feel the same as you do…
I learned that friends are a real gift from God…
I learned that even if you think you are alone, you are not…
I learned that you are there to help someone, and that someone exists somewhere to help you… and that you are there because someone needs you…
I learned that patience is a valuable virtue that many people don’t have…
I learned that every single thing that happens to you has a purpose that you’ll understand at the designated time…
I learned that till you die, there is a place for you on earth…
And the biggest Lesson of all is that we live to die, so we should make sure we’ll die decently.

Mena Mostafa